Today would have been the day that I would wake up and dare someone in my house to have not gotten me a gift. I don't care if it was a card from the Dollar Tree, I know I better have SOMETHING!!! And I wish you would say you weren't going to church! TUH!!!
"Do you know I was a size 4 with NO stretch marks before I had a child?!"
"Do you know that your head is the same size NOW as it was when you were born!? Yes it was!!! Honey you grew into your head and I have to admit I was quite nervous. That's why it took you so long to sit up, because your head was weighing you down!"
"You could iron on my stomach before I had a child!"
"Do you know the things me and Melanie used to do before we had kids?!"
Well me and Melanie didn't have any business doing ANY of the stuff we did before we had kids, but that was my Mother's Day speech. I had to make sure she knew how much I sacrificed for her. But she knew, and she rolled her eyes every year and would just say "Ok Ma... I knooooow.... and I love you." when I went into how long I was in labor. (I had to exaggerate because I had a VERY fast delivery).
Although many of you think I am this incredibly caring and generous person, I do have a side where it's "All About Dee", and those close to me know this side. I can remember being upset with my ex husband because he never recognized me on Mother's Day; he would always say "You're not my mama". It never really occurred to me that he was hurting on Mother's Day because he lost his mother when he was younger. Sometimes we can't understand the destruction of a tornado until it tears down our house.
This year the tornado hit my house.
I thought I was prepared for this weekend. I went to Walmart and bought Swiss Cake Rolls, pizzas, hot dogs, ice cream, pies, and cakes; just entirely too much junk food because I was going to sit in the house and eat, watch tv and sleep. But see..... the way my friends and family are set up, they won't even let a girl be sad in peace!!!
This Mother's Day was different because I didn't have Ari here to wake up extra early and cook her famous eggs and pancakes for me to have breakfast in bed. She didn't surprise me with a really good gift that she somehow managed to get someone else to buy. I wasn't able to take usies with her in the restaurant after church, or AMEN when the preacher told the children to "Honor thy mother and father". This year I didn't even want to go to church. But I seemed to have joined a church full of stalkers who won't let you miss a Sunday in peace!!! So I got out of bed, put on my Mac and high heels, because I most definitely am not going to look how I feel, and went to church.
Today my Pastor told me that I will ALWAYS be a mother. Today I was flooded with texts messages, calls, messages and comments on social media and a plethora of hugs (My church family is going to hug me to death!) telling me that I'm still a mother. Even though in my head I was thinking, but I don't have a child anymore.
I am the Queen of saying "I'm ok" when I'm really not. This weekend I made a long list of things I was going to do, to keep myself busy while I was eating and watching tv.... But I somehow never managed to look at that list. Today was HARD, it may have been one of the hardest days since the accident. Even when I went to put on my Wonder Woman cape, I just couldn't today.
I have done A LOT of things in life, and many I will never mention in order to not incriminate myself, but Ari was one of the best things I never planned to do. When I put the hashtag #MyDaughterIsBetterThanYours on our pics I meant it! Your kid wasn't touching mine! lol And even though I fussed and made a big deal on Mothers Day about gifts, she was the best gift I have ever received.
Well today while I was in one of my "It's All About Dee" moods I kinda ignored the woman who I'm the best gift in the world to....... My Ma! The woman who is ALWAYS there, except when she would fall asleep and wouldn't pick me up from the skating rink, but that's ok I know you were tired. The woman who taught me how to be the amazing mom she said I was to Ari. Thanks Ma! I know it was hard raising me, I'm amazed we both made it through myself... LOL I love you ALLLLLLL the way to the moon. And when you come to visit this week..... I will make you a new Tupac playlist and I wont even roll my eyes when you try to rearrange my house!